Wow. I've been away from this blog for way too long. To my few sweet readers, I'm very sorry and extremely embarrassed. I'm not sure I can totally explain why, but I'll try.
....The "moving out of state" I spoke of in my last post has been sooooo good. It's also been all encompassing. I never imagined how crazy it would be. There's been so many stages. There were new jobs, apartment living, then selling a house, buying a house, a new job again and so much more. My daughter and I moved first, so there was helping her adjust and get through new jobs, new friends and college. Then our son moved here, so there was another to help get settled into a new apartment, job, and some other serious transitions plaguing his life. Later, after we sold our house in our former state of Missouri, my husband moved to be with us along with the rest of our stuff. He also started a new job, and new everything. He was not as excited about moving and was having his own struggles. Then, we waded through the swamps of the Tampa real-estate market ....for many months, and finally found a house. That was another whole can of worms and challenges. They were good worms, but so much work, in the middle of all our other work. I can say it's been totally worth it but sacrifices had to be made along the way. Posting on this blog and, unfortunately, creating music were among the cuts. And as usual, my long-time worst enemies, "depression" and "anxiety", have been frequenting my psyche. Woven throughout this journey of immense change and challenge there have been things happening I can't even talk about yet, but hope to soon. It's my prayer and hope that my experiences, even the painful ones, will somehow help others.
I have been working on myself. I'm always working on myself. I wish I didn't need so much work. Right now I'm determined to focus on being grateful and happy for the good things in my life. There's so many. What helps me the most is studying and practicing God's word. All of this is really a fight for me. I have a huge tendency to think negative and get distracted by unimportant things. I hate this about myself. So I'll end this blog by listing a few things I'm thankful for that have been brought about by this move. ........................Here it goes. .......................................................................................................
......................................................................It's happening, hang on. ......................................................................................................
..................................................................... Okay, .......................
It's in random order and not a complete list. - The natural beauty of Florida, the warm, radiant sunny days, seeing the ocean often, sea birds and dolphins, the way my husband I have bonded in way we didn't before, seeing my daughter excel and about to graduate from her university, seeing my son enjoy his new residence and "rock the world" at his new job, my husband's great job that he enjoys, and my good job, which keeps me grounded and has connected me with some sweet new friends. We have a nice home, nice neighbors, a beautiful view from our back porch, lots of fun trees and plants we couldn't grow in the Midwest, new things to do and see, and so much more.
Lord, help me to continuously see the good things in my life. It's crazy that I let other things drag me so far down. I also pray that creating music would soon be part of my life again, according to Your will, and I pray I would do a better job of it this time, and have a better state of mind, space and time for it, and especially, the right heart for it. -Amen
To physically get back into music my current thinking is this. I will learn Ableton Live (a DAW I've been wanting to learn for quite some time) then resume creating songs with this new tool. (Some to play live, and some to license for film and media.) I'm dragging my feet, fearing I won't be able to follow through. I'm also very sad about some things in my life and in others lives. It's been killing the joy music brings me. But I need to dig out and try to fly again.
Photo by Michael Kurzynowski on Unsplash