No matter what I do or say, I have a deep need to be "real". So here's what's been going on with me. Again, this is about sharing downfalls and imperfections as well as victories and lessons learned along the way.
Now that I'm moving I feel a greater need to touch base with everyone before I go. Except, I'm terrible about calling people and staying connected. There's a bunch of reasons, but none of them are good reasons. I'm just not a talker. I'd rather write, or sing ...lol. If I have a good reason to call I will. If it's just say hi and stay in touch, I won't, even though I know....that's the best reason to call. At least I'm aware, and working on it. I'm so thankful for the people who take the time to reach out to me. Maybe it's a gift some people have and others don't. I will still strive to be better at this.
As an artist, a wife, mom, working woman and constant explorer, I'm always seeking, trying new things and pushing myself beyond boundaries, with a constant drive to grow closer to God and be the best I can be, everyday. Sounds good right? Well, not always. Sometimes I'm obsessive. Every little task becomes a glorified mission. I start to believe I alone can change the world. I go overboard. I think too much, research too much and ponder the outcome to point of total overload and burn out. Meanwhile ....other things, equally important (even more important), remain undone. How much more would I get done if I just could just chill out?
Another downfall of mine .......I have a really hard time finishing things. Right now my efforts in recording music have been completely sidelined, AGAIN! The story of my life. Now that I'm moving (to a whole new state), I have to focus on job hunting and where to live and how to make everything work. I'm starting to ask myself...will I ever be settled enough to focus on my art? Am I really called to it? Was I mistaken? Is God trying to stir me away? I will admit, I was getting discouraged with the learning curve on all the programs and gadgets I've been trying to learn. Maybe I bit off too much. I tend to do that. Goodness gracious. What's my deal?
I could go on, but there's way too many imperfections in this human to keep listing them. So I'll stop there. Believe it or not though, with all the frustration and discouragement with what I just said, and with life and its events in general, I have a unmovable, underlying peace. I gave the gift of creating music back to God years ago. It's in His hands. I do know and have probably voiced, throughout my recent efforts I've had an overwhelming "stuck" feeling. It's been there for a very long time. I know it has affected me as an artist. When we feel like we've hit a wall in life, it makes sense that creativity and it's processes are right there with us in that thick, sticky spot of ground. I'm very much looking forward to getting out from behind that WALL. It has to be done. Moving feels like a journey to the other side. I really think at some point, not too far down the road, all things related to music production, will start blossoming again. My projects will get finished. I am a bit older than I'd like and time keeps on ticking, but that doesn't scare me. I have a lot of life and heart left in me. I just need to finish climbing over that wall. Whoever is reading, thank you for even caring and thank you for your patience. I pray for strength for you to get over your own walls. Don't stay stuck!
By the way, I think the title of this blog would make a great song. I'll add it to my list of a zillion song ideas, that I WILL finish. (Don't steal it.) And here's some related scripture. I hope it encourages you as it does me.
James 5:16 -Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
Isaiah 40:31 -But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 -Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
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