I've spent a few hours putting this page together so this first post will be short and sweet. I hope this blogging journey will push me along on my path to being more productive as I seek to reignite my creative fire. I have so much inside and have let it wait for so long that I find myself clumsy, and unsure how to move forward. This blog was an idea that popped into my head while I was praying this morning.
I've made many attempts to start recording music again. I've watched videos and taken online classes. I've pulled out all my old music that never got finished and gone over it multiple times. I've reached out to friends letting them know of my intentions. I even posted on Facebook that new music would be happening "this" year! What is taking me so long? I'm easily distracted and have many irons in the fire, so that's a lot of it. I struggle with self-doubt and depression, that's some of it too. And want to make sure what I do is for the right reasons. I want to make difference and share my faith. I want to give people hope and inspiration, not just toot my own horn.
I also have a desire to do everything myself. That includes writing, arranging, performing, recording, producing, designing. I enjoy collaborating and hope to do lots more, but also need a place where everything comes from me. Is that selfish? I hope not. I'm easy to get along with and when I work with other people I truly enjoy it and feel blessed for the opportunity. But I tend to give in too much at times to what everyone else wants. It's only fair right? And other people have great ideas and talents. And I never claimed to be the best, so I don't usually trust myself. But sometimes later, I wish I would have.
I've been setting things up to do more video recording and streaming. Now that social distancing is in full swing I realize there's no better time. The video platform is super uncomfortable for me, as it is for a lot of us I know. But it's no excuse to go back into my comfortable place of hiding. I must overcome my perfectionism and just do it. I'm called to share my music and this is the perfect way.
So I mark this day as a fresh start. I'm attempting to rediscover myself and will allow myself to be seen. I will allow myself to fail and not be perfect, which has always been very hard for me. I'm not sure where all of this will go, I just know I need to start again .....and rely even more on God to guide me. Please bare with me, if anyone even reads this. I'll be learning as I go, just like I've always done.
I feel like this writing space is a good way to share my testimonies and inner thoughts without coming off as preachy, or boring, or offensive....or however words can sometimes be taken. So when I do get to playing more online I can focus more on music and less on talking. And those who feel the need to know more about me, what I stand for, and where my music comes from, can check it out here. And anyone who doesn't ....won't have to.
And finally, possibly the most important purpose for this journal is to organize my thoughts, purge the ruminating notions that might be holding me back, and nurture the bits of treasure and wisdom that push me forward. It will serve as therapy for my soul and a means of connecting with others on a deeper level.
